


Over

by keitolino



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2013-03-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 07:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2141538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keitolino/pseuds/keitolino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tegoshi finds his true self.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Over

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anybody.
> 
> published on livejournal before, publishing it here now for organizing purposes.

When Shige entered the apartment, all the lights were shut off. It was already half past ten at night, therefore he tried to be as silent as possible. He didn’t want to wake Tegoshi up, who he happened to share this apartment with.

Shige knew Tegoshi was having a rough day; he certainly did not want to make him angry by unnecessary noises at night.

He walked across the hallway, straight into the kitchen and put his bag onto the dining table. Shige took a glass from the shelf, which he filled with cooled water straight out of the fridge. Right after he put it onto the table, he noticed the tiny closet, which they used to store their medicines in, wasn’t fully closed.  
Shige first didn’t give it any further thought and walked through the living room.

Tegoshi’s piano was placed in the corner of the room, leaving a great impact on anybody who visited them. The grand piano was white, had an unusual golden ornament on it and was probably the most expensive thing Tegoshi ever bought himself.

Soon Shige stopped walking as he found himself standing in a big mess of note sheets, lying on the floor. Some of them were crumbled up, some were left untouched. Some were full with scribbles and notes, while the others weren’t touched by a pen at all.

He was surprised to find the room like that, as Tegoshi usually preferred to leave everything tidied up and clean behind. Shige became a little worried. What if something happened to Tegoshi? He thought about the unclosed medicine cabinet.

For the past few weeks, Tegoshi had been seeing a therapist. The reason behind this was mainly sleepless nights which were caused by his depressions he usually tried to cover up with an overly happy appearance. His main medication consisted of medium to hard antidepressants, sleeping pills and usual sedatives.  
A bad feeling rose inside of Shige, climbed up his mind and got him a little panicking. What if Tegoshi had a sudden break down? Shige tried to stay calm and erase all the pictures that suddenly popped up in his head.

“Yuya…?”

Shige walked towards the bedroom. He opened the door, feeling his heart throbbing in his chest. It took Shige some moments to adjust his eyes to the darkness, but as soon as he entered the room, he lit the lights.

A fierce shiver ran down his spine.

The wardrobe was opened; clothes were lying on the floor. However, the clothes he saw weren’t the usual things Tegoshi or himself would wear. What Shige looked down upon was a huge chaos out of cute, nice but girly dresses. Mainly sponsored from a huge model brand he had been working for the last week, some others from various appearances on TV or concerts.

In the middle of this mess, Shige found Tegoshi, curled up on the bed. He wore a beautiful white dress and the long brown hair of his wig hid half of his face. Next to him was a package of medication. Shige’s heart jumped.

“Yuya, don’t give me that—“, said Shige, feeling fear all over his body. What did his lover do? What made him get the room messed up like that, and why did he obviously abuse his medication?

Shige sat down onto the bed, lifted him up and pressed Tegoshi’s body heavily to his chest. He stroked his back, kissed his forehead and tried to stay calm. “Say something, my love. What did you do? How many pills did you take?” he whispered into his ear. Shige’s voice was shaking, and so was his body.  
When he checked Tegoshi’s eyes, he noticed the cold, blank stare in his eyes. The look of his lover pained his heart. “Say something, please! What is this about…?” Shige was desperate. “I’m going to call an ambulance…!”

Suddenly, Tegoshi shook his head. Slowly, with not much effort he moved his head from his chest. “No, don’t—“, he whispered. “Please, don’t.”  
Shige felt tears burning in his eyes. “How many did you swallow?”

“Just a few…”

Tegoshi smiled a little. Indeed he seemed to be happy, after trying to blacken his mind and get rid of his – probably not too much happy – thoughts. Shige panicked nevertheless. He felt tears running down his cheek, shivers hunting his spine and trembling fingers holding his only love close to him.

“We’ve just found each other- do you want to leave me now?”

After some more moments, Shige took a deep breath. He lifted Tegoshi up and with all his strength he carried him into the bathroom. “We got to get rid of these substances in your body…!”

He held Tegoshi from behind, bent him over the toilet and said sorry in advance to what he was going to do afterwards. He pushed his fist into Tegoshi’s abdomen, leading Tegoshi to throw up. Certainly, Shige did not want to hurt him. Tegoshi cringed nevertheless.

Instead of continuing the harsh treatment to Tegoshi’s abdomen, he decided on sliding his fingers down his throat. The bathroom was filled with the cry of a struggling Tegoshi throwing up, getting rid of all the overdosed medication in his body and Shige’s desperate sobbing.

After all, he should have better called an ambulance. Luckily enough, the amount of medication Tegoshi swallowed wasn’t serious and most of the pills weren’t dissolved yet. However, in the end Shige decided to call Tegoshi’s doctor and after telling him what happened, he could at last feel a little better. The amount of medicine that Tegoshi swallowed wasn’t too serious, and now after they got rid of most of it, no further complications should arrive. “Shigeshige—“ Tegoshi whispered.

“I’m not letting go off you and I’m certainly not going to lose you because of this…!” Shige hugged his love tightly, stroking his head. “Now, when we’re finally together…” They both kept in that position until Tegoshi completely calmed down.

After some more moments, Shige helped his love back into the bedroom. “I’m going to get you some tea, don’t move too much, okay?” Shige bowed down and kissed Tegoshi’s forehead. He closed his eyes, kissed him once more and walked out of the room.

***

“Don’t come closer. Please—“ Tegoshi rose his voice and glanced at Shige, who arrived with tea. Tegoshi was so beautiful wearing a dress, his eyes were – usually – shining of happiness, his wig looked cheatingly real and his whole aura was the ones of a girl. This time, he looked desperate.

Shige was confused. He wondered if he did something wrong, but in the first place, he was a little happy to see his heart standing upright in the room.  
His voice was shaking. “Shigeshige… We can’t do this anymore. We can’t be together.”

Out of all the possible things Tegoshi would have to say, this was something Shige would have never expected to hear. He cringed. “What…?” He put the teacups on the nightstand. Shige frowned.

Tegoshi closed his eyes, hid his face behind his hands and sobbed quietly. “Shigeshige…” His whole body trembled and it pained Shige’s heart to see him like that. All he wanted to do now was hug him tightly, not let go off him again and tell him how much of a ridiculous thing he just said.

Shige, however, hesitated. Why did Tegoshi say something like this?

“Yuya, you can’t—I love you…” Shige felt panic climbing up his spine again. What if Tegoshi was serious? What if he tried to take his life because he had enough of Shige? All this questions drove him crazy in just a moment.

“Shigeshige—“ Tegoshi continued and he kneeled down in front of him. He wrapped his arms around his feet, rested his head on them and started crying. Seeing him like that, Shige’s heart broke a little more. Tegoshi’s was still wearing his dress and the wig. If Shige didn’t knew better, he’d never think he was actually a boy.  
“Hey, love… Don’t cry. Tell me what is wrong, I will listen. I’m sure you don’t mean what you just said… at last, I’m hoping!” Finally, Shige sat down to his lover and held his shoulders.

Tegoshi nodded a little. He sobbed deeply and looked at Shige with red eyes from all the tears. “Shigeshige—I’ve found myself...” Slowly he pointed to the dresses, the wigs, all the cosmetics. Shige didn’t even waste a second about thinking where he hid all these, all he cared about now was seeing his heart smiling again.  
Again, tears were burning in Shige’s eyes, slowly finding their way down his cheeks. Suddenly he drew Tegoshi closer, hugging him tightly. For a long while, they stayed like that.

Sobbing. “I wish I was a girl—“

Shige’s nose became slightly red from crying, and his heart was throbbing more than ever. Being shocked? Shige didn’t have a slight feeling of shock about what Yuya just told him. All he had was the certainty of loving the boy – or girl in a boy’s body – who he held in his arms right now.

“Ssh—“ Shige stroked Tegoshi’s cheek, softly wiping his tears away. Tegoshi put his hands around Shige, leaned his forehead to his and closed his eyes. It hurt, having a crying Shige next to him. It hurt even more being the reason why he was crying. Tegoshi sniveled.

“I don’t love you for what you look like, my heart; I love you for what you are.” Tegoshi creased his face, showing a trail of another batch of tears. He buried his head in his boyfriend’s neck. His body was trembling. “—and if this is you, if this is what you want to do, I am going to support you. The only thing I want is to see you happy.”

“Shigeshige—“ Their mouths met yet again. They exchanged a soft, tender kiss while the salty taste of their tears tickled their lips. Tegoshi felt his heart jumping in his chest. Did Shige really say this, just now?

“There’s a reason why I’m your boyfriend, silly.” Shige tried to smile but failed badly, falling back into tears. “It’s because I love you, and because I want to be with you.” He bit his lips. “For whatever path you decide to walk…” Shige sniveled.

Tegoshi’s eyes widened. These were the sweetest words Shige could say. Of course, Tegoshi knew he loved him and cared for him, but even in this situation, after telling him his innermost secret, having Shige saying this, he was incredibly happy.

“I love you!” Tegoshi soon found his smile again after noticing how serious Shige was. He raised his head, poked his cheek with his nose and kissed him long. Mixed with tears, pain, but also happiness, this kiss remained in their memories even after a long time. It was some kind of a ‘new beginning’.

“I love you too, Shigeshige—“

Shige kissed his lover’s tears away and lifted him tenderly, bringing him to bed. “I love you, my heart.” Raising his arms softly, Shige unclothed him and carefully put the dress on a chair. He was smiling. "Thank you..."

“You looked beautiful, my dear, but wearing that for the night is a pity, right?”

Hugging him from behind, nuzzling his neck and stroking his delicate body, they both calmed down eventually. Shige felt overly happy and relieved; also Tegoshi calmed down and felt at ease in Shige’s arms. “Now, let’s sleep, my princess, we’ve had a hard evening…”


End file.
